varbank

[From November 2015]

There is something just so absolutely unobtainable about the magic feeling I first got when I first discovered, played, and heard RuneScape all those years ago at my old friend’s house. The aesthetic, the look, the feel, the sound, the beauty of old RuneScape when I was a young child, if not for my emotional numbness would bring tears to my eyes and make me cry. In the basement of my old friend’s house, in that tile floor office area, on that slow terrible white desktop computer, on that white bulky box monitor with a glass screen. While “RuneScape 2007” exists today and can be played today, there is something about that original feeling and that original experience, when that was all there was, that is unattainable and impossible. Perhaps if there was some sort of hypnotization or time travel that could make this authentic feeling return… As I’ve said it seems that the original feeling is impossible to capture again. That feeling that was so authentic, unadulterated, real, raw, but at the same time magical, all inspiring, beautiful. Oh, how I wish to feel something like that again. Did I feel it in the moment or is it only retrospect that makes me think it was that magical? I can’t say for sure though I feel a vague sense that magic and authenticity are right out of my reach.

[From March 2016]

It seems to me that the only thing to do is become an ascetic, frequent marijuana smoker, writer, meditator, and RuneScape 2007 player. I must transcend but also descend from what my life has become. The bare minimum, for the strong, for me, is necessary and so I aim to combine the most peaceful and rejuvenating aspects of life into one to maximize my destiny. I am talking about raw foods, raw fruit, meditation, nature, rest, abstinence, asceticism, and love. I aim to remove pornography and junk food indulgence from my life. I aim to revert to a childlike but also ascetic personality. Like Bob.

I will thus play and check out RuneScape 2007 right now.

[Present, December 2016]

What a journey this has been. I have since discarded marijuana. It has gone through and behind me, as Nietzsche said of his relationship with nihilism. I would change the March quote to say “nicotine smoker”. My life is trajected in the right direction. I am not currently interested in RuneScape.

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